EVERY MUSEUM EVER
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EVERY MUSEUM EVER


Keith: What the hell is this?
Courtney: I’m just gonna put my hand on my chin so I look sophisticated. Ian (THINKING): This looks like crap, but I care too much about my image to say that. Olivia (THINKING): I have to s**t Noah (THINKING): I Can’t believe they actually like my art piece. I found it in a dumpster behind a kindergarten. Every Museum Ever Olivia: Baby, you know this is my ideal date. It’s just like that movie, 500 days of summer. Keith: Oh babe, let’s take a picture with this blob thing. Olivia: Let’s leave now.
Keith: Babe, we’re so cultured. Olvia: Oh my god like yogurt. Every (snore) Ever Olivia: Okay, I think I’m ready to leave.
Ian: Yeah Ian: Um… Where’s the exit?
Olivia: Oh right there! Ian: Oh, ah, No, I think that’s vintage revival art.
Olivia: Oh, okay. I think you’re right. Let’s grab a map. Ian: Wait no this is a map installation, I think.
Olivia: oh okay, all right, let’s ask that security guard. Ian: No, no this is performance art. Security Guard: No, I’m the security guard. I get this all the time. The exit is that way. *Claps*
Ian: Wow he’s really good.
Olivia: Are we supposed to tip him?
Security: Yes! Surrealism! Pointillism! Capitalism! Cubism! Those are arts. Guide: Moving on to one of my favorite pieces, This is Edvard Munch’s “The Scream”. Now, Munch often depicted deeply traumatic events in his own life, on to the painting. You see this sexless twisted fetal face creature, with his eyes and mouth wide open in terror. Captures a moment in which Munch said the air turned to blood. What do you guys think about that? *Camera snap* Dammiiiiiiiit That looks like a pee-pee. Yeah… Courtney: Oh, Let’s check out the special exhibit.
Olivia: Yeah!! Employee: Um, excuse me ladies. Only one person into the special exhibit at a time.
Olivia: I’ll go first. Employee: I’m sorry, but you have to buy a special ticket for this exhibit. Courtney: Okay, we’ll take two.
Employee: You can only buy them online. Olivia: Oh i’ll buy them on my pho-
Employee: six months in advance Courtney: What’s even in there? Is it worth it?
Employee: Oh, the art. Isn’t worth it, but the feeling of exclusivity is. Olivia: See you in six months!
Employee: Wait hold on… and it is sold out. Both: Damn iiiiiiiit I drew a line on a large canvas. ohh! i’ll buy it for 50 million dollars! Audio Guide: “The kiss” was painted by Austrian Symbolist painter, Gustave Klimt. Between 1907 and 1908. The couple’s embrace, often makes me think of my ex-wife Leslie, because this was her favourite piece of artwork. And I begged her to let me embrace her, but she insisted that my touches made her sick! Now, we’ll continue on to 77 more pieces that remind me of my ex-wife. Courtney: I think we’re on the wrong tour. *Sobbing* Noah: Why would Leslie treat him like that. Courtney: I– I can’t hear you. I dare you to touch it Kieth:See anything? Ian: No, it’s weird, right? Uhh… Excuse me. What kind of art, do you have in this museum? Receptionist: Oh! We don’t actually have any arts at this museum It’s a bunch of colorful backdrop for your Instagram photos. Keith: Oh, Well, I guess I could use a little extra color on my Instagram. How much is it? Receptionist: $300 Dollars.
Ian: For two tickets?! Receptionist: Oh no, that’s for one ticket. Hmm… two tickets would be… $900 Dollars. Both: Damn iiiiiiiiiittt. Every museum ever CC: Engin Erik Also helped editing some mistakes: Matthew Bagas and Sasha Klishchenko 🙂

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